thoughts

“Isn’t it a beautiful thought that some of the best days of your life haven’t happened yet?” When it’s 3 am and I’m rocking my toddler back to sleep, I repeat that back to myself. And then, when I’m watching the love of my life throw our giggling toddler into the air on a beautiful Summer day, I think “Is this one of them?” Ya know, one of “the best"days”? And how am I going to know when it is one? Will I only ever be sure in hindsight?

I’m Mikaela and I’m a 26 year old mother to my two absolute favorite human beings on the planet. Kennedy, 6 and Beckham, 18 months. And man, these are the days. The best ones. And I need help remembering that sometimes, ya know? So I made this page. To be the home for my days. And my lists and my thoughts and all the extra pictures that fill the memory of my cell phone. My own digital time capsule. Because I never want to forget them.

Days I spend dancing with tiny people in the kitchen. And cooking dinner with a baby at my feet. Tickling tight round bellies, matching mini striped socks, picking toys off the ground, kissing little foreheads.

I live for the sound of squeals coming from children chasing each other around the island. The sight of a waddling baby running towards his dad returning home from work. The inconsistency of each letter in all capitals handwritten note to Santa.

But I also want to remember the exhaustion. The fear, the guilt, the loneliness. The late nights that run into early mornings. The paralyzing anxiety. The ishouldbesleepingbutitsmyonlytimealone book reading. I don’t want to forget one single thing.

And I can’t, for the life of me, fold clothes when my kids are home but there’s relief found in the smiles of babies whose mama let the laundry wait. So I’ll cuddle that baby on the couch and I’ll stop in the parking lot to stomp in the puddles and I’ll remind myself that it’s always been worth it.

These are our days of gathering and growing and dreaming and trusting. Stretching and learning and struggling and cheering. Overwhelmingly love filled, painfully ever-fleeting.

The best days of my life. These are them. And I know it.